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Beyond Breakups - Embracing A New Beginning

Who Gets The Friends When You Divorce

filed in Grieving Process on Nov 9, 2007

Divorce or a breakup of a significant relationship creates a loss in every area of your life.  Children, a home, a savings account, even the family dog are converted to a checklist of custody, property, and asset arrangements requiring negotiation.

But, another loss that many do not talk about is “FRIENDS”.   This is not negotiated, it just happens.  Whether they are casual or significantly long relationships you may loose some friends in the process of ending a relationship.  Friends seem to choose sides, even though it is not necessary.  They do not know how to be supportive.  They feel they are in the middle and do not know how to handle this, they become judgmental and choose the side of the person they seem to agree with.  When this occurs one person experiences a loss and a sense of betrayal.

Many people ask me what to do about this

l.  Grieve the loss of your friend – feel your feelings

2.  Realize you have no control over their decision.  Don’t try to talk them out of their decision.

3.  If they cannot be supportive, it probably is better they are not around

4.  Do not blame yourself for their departure.  Consider that this may be in your highest good.

 

Comments:

This has been so hard for me! I threw an incredible huge 40th birthday party for my ex's best friend/business partner. I used to call him for advise and we even hung out by going shopping together. Now he won't even look in my direction. It really hurts! And I miss him...

Posted by: Lana on January 19, 2009 3:17 PM

Dear Lana

The most important for you is to acknowledge your feelings to those who can be present with you, and can support you. Internalizing this anger, sadness is not good for your heart or body. And this you are doing by expressing your thoughts, feeling above.


Letting go of that which we cannot control is one of the hardest things to do here on the planet. Each day know that your heart will lighten a little more as you accept this lost.

Here are a few tips.
l. Try to afirm to yourself that when one door closes or one friend leaves another will come in.
2. Reach out in ways to others around you that you may not have done in the past.
3. Be open to the universe sending you new people in your life and stretch your arms out each morning affirming that an abundance of friends is coming your way.
4. Be patience with yourself and love yourself when you feel this loss.
5. Know that this may be in your highest good, even though at this moment it does not feel this way.

Blessings you in this new chapter of your life.

Michele Germain


Posted by: Michele Germain on January 20, 2009 11:46 AM

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