Dealing With Your Ex-Partner's Anger
I received a call this morning from a friend who said HELP, “I don’t know how to deal with my ex-partner anger”. “ Even though the divorce is over he continues to see me as the enemy and will not be cooperative when I talk to him about our child”. She went on to say, “he fights with me over which summer camp to send her to, or what time of the day I want him to pick her up. He stays angry and does not consider what is best for our daughter. It seems he just wants to argue and disagree. I just need to understand why he is still so angry; the divorce is over.”
You may never fully understand why your ex-partner is still so angry. Usually when someone is still seeing their ex-partner as the enemy they are unable to work through their own pain; and the anger keeps them away from the hurt and loss. As long as they are focused on someone else they do not have to look at themselves. This is a dysfunctional way of mananging the loss of a relationship.
Continue to respond without reacting; just set boundaries and do not continue a conversation if the yelling or attacking persists. Seek further professional help to manage coparenting issues.
Taking responsibility for our anger and the sadness, and working it through is the way out of the pain. All we can do is take responsibility for oursleves, we cannot convince anyone to do their emotional work.
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