Saying Yes When You Mean No
Many women I see after years of marriage feel resentful, used and angry. Often I hear them say “I am empty”, “I don’t know who I am anymore”. Women are caretakers, and conditioned to put others needs above their own. This is done without acknowledging and honoring their own needs. Ignoring their own feelings, woman often give over and over, non-stop, out of fear, duty, or guilt. They say yes, when they mean “no”. In fact when they say “no” they feel selfish. Can anyone relate to this? Years and years go by and they find themselves stuck in blaming others for their unhappiness, burnout and emptiness. And often they don’t know how they feel or what they need, let alone how to attend to their needs.
How does this develop? As a child you witnessed in some way your mothers denying and not honoring herself. Their are messages direct or indirect that your needs are not important. As a child you learn you are not entitled to have needs, let alone try to fill them. And a belief develops that you are responsible to make others happy. It becomes part of your identity and way of life.
How do you change this? The first step is to learn about your needs. Then develop a new belief that you are entitled to your needs. Then take time to attend to your needs. If you give to yourself, you will be able to give to others out of caring instead of giving out of guilt or obligation. In fact when you honor yourself, you truly have more to give.
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