Coping With A Difficult Former Spouse
filed in Grieving Process on Jan 11, 2007
Breaking up is hard to do. It is not what you signed up for when you entered into your relationship. And, although someone has moved out of the house and you are physically separated you still find yourself reacting every time you get an email, a phone call or a legal notice of some kind from your former partner. And, if you have children you have a great deal of contact as you co-parent.
You continue to let go and heal your emotional pain from the relationship, but you are not yet finished, and it is still a challenge to interact with your former partner. You can’t help it, but every time you talk to him/her you find yourself dropping into the pit. The challenges continue, but the suffering does not have to continue.
The goal is to be neutral and not be reactive to what your former partner behavior. Do not give him/her the power to ruin your day or turn your body into a knot. In fact, I tell clients,think of this as a test each time you are in his/her physical space or interacting. Tell yourself, you are going for a masters degree in keeping your inner peace and the test is not to be triggered by your former partner. You may say to yourself, “this is a spiritual test, I am working toward developing my personal power and inner peace. Bring it on.” Here are some tips.
When you connect with your former spouse give yourself the suggestion to speak slowly during the whole conversation.
Watch your body, feel your feet on the floor, drop your shoulders, and connect with your breath.
Before or after a interaction process your feelings,so you do not carry them through your day.
Know that the pain your partner may be inflicting on you represent the pain he/she feels inside themselves. Remind yourself of this as often as necessary
Practice, practice, practice and congratulate yourself on your efforts.
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