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Grieving Cycle
filed in Grieving Process on Nov 13, 2006
There are six (6) stages of grief . Grief is a normal respsonse to loss, and can express itself in a wide rage of feelings with a intensity and sudden shifts that resemble a roller coaster ride. It is necessary to the healing process So be prepared to go back and forth with the feelings until you are finished. It will take as long as it takes. As you acknowledge and connect with the feeling you will be doing the healing work. These stages/feelings are Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression/Sadness and Acceptance. There will be other feelings as well, helplessness, despair, relief fear, and you may even feel joy.
It is important to identify and work through the feelings as you go in and out of each stage. Sometimes we are not aware of what stage we are in. Here are some statements made by some of my clients as they worked through the grief. It may help you to identify where you are at this moment in your healing.
Client statements:
Shock. – “This is not happening”, “I feel frozen at the moment”, “ I am numb” “I can’t think”, “I feel like I can’t move my body”.
Denial – “He is really coming back”, “I don’t need an attorney”, “We will work this out”. “She really does love me”.
Anger – “ I am better off without you”, “You ruined my life”, “I am so mad, I feel so cheated, I wasted all these years”, “You are a looser”, I hate him/her”.
Bargaining – “If I changed my hair and lose some weight maybe he will come back”, “If I treated her differently and stopped working so much maybe I would fall in love again” “If I have a baby maybe that will bring us back together”.
Depression -Sadness“I feel like one of my limbs has been torn from my body”, “My life is over”, “I will never be happy”, “I feel so empty inside”, “My heart is hurting”.
Acceptance – “I never thought I would ever stop crying”, I feel content with my life and I have found myself again”. “ I know longer feel anger at my “ex-husband/wife” I just feel indifferent”, “I am know longer obsessing about all things she did to me”, “I find myself with more energy and looking forward to tomorrow”, “I have established my new set of friends and interest”.
I relate the experience to a bungee cord, where every time something new happens that affects the life of my children, I too am bounced back and forth, up & down once again, experiencing the various stages of grief each time.
Shock: I can't believe he did that...
Denial: He's looking out for their interests...right?
Anger: He is so selfish and self centered
Bargaining: It will all work out in the end
Sadness: Will I ever trust or care again?
Acceptance: Live in the moment. I have loved & lost before, I will live to love again.
Posted by: Marni on January 25, 2007 7:59 PM